Beauty is...

A poet walking through a wooded glade,
writing a poem at the back of a leaf,
then letting that leaf go, fly into the wind, is beautiful.

The visionary excited by exploration into the unknown-
beyond Earth, into the vastness beyond-
is beautiful.

The person with a mind looking back at the past 50, 100, 1000 years,
and an equal amount forward-
is beautiful.

A wildflower growing in the desert-
in the middle of no-where-
is beautiful.

Knowing beauty is beautiful.
Finding beauty is beautiful.
Loving beauty is beautiful.

Childplay is beautiful, in fact amounts to a miracle.

To create joy from nothing, to create wonder from nothing,
to create adventures from nothing...
Oh what price adults would pay for such a blessing!

That dust-gathering book in an unknown shelf is beautiful.

Those not chasing after the fleeting cloud of popularity are beautiful.
Those living beyond the moment are beautiful.
Those whose hearts are not imprisoned by their environment- set free- are beautiful.

Those that can appreciate beauty are beautiful,
true wanderers in this desert world.

"Great people talk about ideas. Average people talk about things. Small people talk about other people."

Enough said.

If anything, this quote is a beacon for me through these harsh times.

Alas, such great people are so hard to find!
Like searching for a jewel in miles of sand.

But nay, just because you're surrounded by "shallow" people,
Don't let your mind waiver...

I could die right now, Clem. I'm just... happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be... Reflections

"I could die right now, Clem. I'm just... happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be..."

So many people discuss what is the meaning of life.
So many people discuss what is true happiness.

Well, I think, there you have it.
So brilliantly summed up in the film "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"

Many people ask about goals in life, what is the point of it all.

Well, I think A LOT of things in our lives can be put in perspective when we realise and understand that we aren't here forever.

Many people live in the illusion that they're immortal beings, that they'll be present forever. But the truth is that they'll be gone in some finite time in the future.

Ultimately, I believe, the point of our lives is to reach that point Joel Barish reached in the film... where, if we were to die right there and then, we would have no regrets.

In a way, one could sum it up like this:

The point of life is in getting ready to die.

This may sound morbid, depressing; but that can, in turn, be turned upside down - "getting ready" in my view, is searching for, and finding true happiness, or anything along that line, that gives, creates meaning to our life.

Life is a synthesis, an invention, a creation.

True happiness... that sense of knowing that you're at the right place and at the right time. Knowing that you do not want, desire, any more! That one is satisfied... ... so satisfied that one would not regret it if they were to die.

Religions (/ "belief systems") are not what you see on the outside; those customs, rules, rituals etc. etc. ARE NOT what defines religion. In fact, we could do away with all that and still have religion.

Rather, religion (/"belief systems") stems from humanity's confrontation with the eternal void that marks the time before, and after, our lives; and how the knowledge of such eternity should influence how we live our lives in that brief time we're on this planet.

Find true happiness.
Do you want to know the definition?
True happiness is something, that once found, would make you prepared to die.

In my view, seeking this, is ultimately, the meaning of life; sure, of course, "true happiness" can mean sooooooo many different things to different people, achieved through so many diverse paths; but they're all united in the above effect it would have on you.

Eminem - Lose Yourself - what it means to me

Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out
He's chokin, how everybody's jokin now
The clock's run out, time's up over, bloah!
Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity
Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked
He's so mad, but he won't give up that easy - No
He won't have it , he knows his whole back city's ropes
It don't matter, he's dope
He knows that, but he's broke
He's so stacked that he knows
When he goes back to his mobile home, that's when it's
Back to the lab again yo
This whole rap shit
He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him

[Hook:]
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

The soul's escaping, through this hole that it's gaping
This world is mine for the taking
Make me king, as we move toward a, new world order
A normal life is borin', but superstardom's close to post-mortem
It only grows harder, only grows hotter
He blows us all over these hoes is all on him
Coast to coast shows, he's know as the globetrotter
Lonely roads, God only knows
He's grown farther from home, he's no father
He goes home and barely knows his own daughter
But hold your nose cuz here goes the cold water
These bosses don't want him no more, he's cold product
They moved on to the next schmoe who flows
He nose dove and sold nada
So the soap opera is told and unfolds
I suppose it's old potna, but the beat goes on
Da da dum da dum da da

[Hook]

No more games, I'ma change what you call rage
Tear this mothafuckin roof off like 2 dogs caged
I was playin in the beginnin, the mood all changed
I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
But I kept rhymin and stepwritin the next cypher
Best believe somebody's payin the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the fact
That I can't get by with my 9 to 5
And I can't provide the right type of life for my family
Cuz man, these goddam food stamps don't buy diapers
And it's no movie, there's no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life
And these times are so hard and it's getting even harder
Tryin to feed and water my seed, plus
See dishonor caught up bein a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama's screamin on and
Too much for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, another day of monotony's
Gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail
I've got to formulate a plot fore I end up in jail or shot
Success is my only mothafuckin option, failure's not
Mom, I love you, but this trail has got to go
I cannot grow old in Salem's lot
So here I go is my shot.
Feet fail me not cuz maybe the only opportunity that I got

[Hook]

You can do anything you set your mind to, man

===

This song really is about Dedication. Dedication to what you're doing (and passion for it); dedication that regardless of your circumstances, your personal weaknesses, that you're set on your goals; giving it everything you've got.

The song is so true: our lives are short, yet EVERYONE receives at least some opportunities in life - but not everyone captures it or makes the most of it... and of course some of these opportunities are really those "once-in-a-lifetime" events, those key moments that define the course of the rest of your life.

What Eminem suggests as the way to "success" is so true... one literally needs to lose themselves in what they're doing, in order to become the best/succeed at it. I'm sure those of you who have been part of "successful" endeavours would know that when you're in the middle of it all, you must literally "lose yourself" - you're so completely focused on the task at hand, not allowing your mind wander - to the extent that you begin to lose selfawareness of yourself.

Magibon: her silence speaks volumes

There is a new phenomenon going on at YouTube. Head on over if you don't know.

It's called Magibon. or Mririan; she's the new lonelygirl15.
Except better. In my opinion, with far more substance.

In a society where the imperative is to gossip, the imperative is to talk, the imperative is to say something witty or funny, or else - be socially rejected, socially unpopular, socially "inept"... what her silence says to us, speaks volumes.

I love it.

She is the speaker for silence. Our representative.

Everyone is puzzling. Why does a video, with her staring at the camera, saying nothing, get 3 million views?

The answer is simple: silence.
Something everyone pretty much downplays, ignores, in this modern day and age; something they attribute, simply, to "losers" with no social skills. Something, quite undesirable as a trait, in this modern day and age of self-assertion and propulsion.

Yet: it hits these people right in the face when they see this video. RIGHT IN THEIR FACE.
SILENCE.

Perhaps for the first time in their lives, people can step back and contemplate.

Just relax away from the verbose barrage we receive everyday. Let it all fall.

That, in my view, is what really attracts people to her. They may say, it's her eyes, it's her cuteness, her "Japaneseness" or whatever. Sure they may play a part; but I believe the real reason is more subconscious, more deeper down. There really is, in modern Western & Westernised societies, that lack of silence. That social imperative that denies it. Yet... deep down... people seek it; but they don't know how, or where... until they see magibon. And her silence.

I remember a quote from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, along the lines of: "communicating does not simply constitute of constantly talking." Sometimes, silence, or what is not said, speaks far more than what is said. I remember this from a great English teacher that I once had - often, the greatest stories are marked not by their words, but words the author leaves out. What they don't say.

In light of that, please let magibon be a beacon of hope for those of us that are... silent; quiet. And help the rest of society to understand; to accept, to appreciate silence.

"Silence is a virtue" - oh, what a long lost adage, stamped as "irrelevant" by people of this modern day. Please, let us restore it.

To embrace solitude

What is true rebellion?

What is true innovation?

What is a truer life?

...

To embrace solitude.

To reject the dictation of society, on how we should live our lives... "socially".

Relationships. Social stuff. yeah, yeah, blah blah blah.

What if we don't want to?

Why should we? ...

Yes yes society labels us a loners, crazy people, people with mental illness, blah blah blah.

===

I believe, if anything is going to happen in the 21st century, it is the emancipation of THIS. That of the socially disillusioned. That of those that seek SOLITUDE. That of those who do not want to suck up to others socially, have meaningless conversations, etc. etc.

We have given the right of emancipation to slaves, to black people, to women, to homosexuals. I think it's about time, that they give that very intrinsic RIGHT to self-determination to US. WE are so excluded and finger-pointed that we don't even have a single label describing us. I"ll make up one. THOSE THAT SEEK SOLITUDE.

We live in such a socially oppressive world, a world that requires social conforming, a world that dictates us to have "relationships", a world that dictates us to play with others, a world that dictates us to blah blah blah socially.

Well I don't want to.

I don't want to participate in it. GO AWAY. Stop forcing me. Why should I?

It's no less illogical than describing homosexuals as mentally ill.
No less illogical than saying women were intrinsically born to serve men.
No less illogical than saying all black people are less human than others.
No less illogical than saying slavery is perfectly the way of nature.

Just think about it. Carefully.

It's called "socially prevalent attitude." Ultimately, behind it, there is little logic, no real meaning or anything. It's just customs, what we're used to. Once upon a time people simply acquiesced to the above tenets because THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE WAS THINKING AND THEY DIDN'T WANT TO BE LEFT OUT!!!

Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic, people. Prejudice, prejudice, prejudice.

I wish not to partake in it. This cacophany of meaninglessness.

Laters, and please leave me alone.

What love is: in image of Him

Teacher Tony McClean, one of the seven to die in the Mangatepopo River tragedy, tied himself to one of the students, a disabled boy, in a bid to save him.

Braced on a ledge in the swollen Mangatepopo River, McClean tied himself to the last teenager left to enter the water and they let go.

The selfless bid to try to save the life of cerebral palsy sufferer Tom Hsu, 16, has prompted many to call the 29-year-old a hero.

The group of school students were on a canyoning trip down the Mangatepopo River when
rising flood waters caused by heavy rain swept six students and Mr McClean to their deaths.

The Weekend Herald has learned that rescuers believe Mr McClean's chance of survival would have been "huge" if he had gone alone.

They say Tom would have been like an anchor for Mr McClean.

Being a stronger swimmer than his pupils, Mr McClean would have had a much greater chance of reaching the side of the river before being hurtled over the Genesis Energy dam.

Mr McClean and Tom were the last pair found, floating feet first more than 3km downstream from the plunge over the dam that probably took their lives.

Mr McClean's father, John McClean, said police told him his son and Tom were still bound together.

He said Tom's disability made him the "natural one" for his teacher son to have tried to help.
"When the police lady told me that I thought, 'That's him'," Mr McClean snr said of his eldest child.

Five other Elim Christian College students died on the gorging trip. Four students and Sir Edmund Hillary Outdoor Pursuits Centre instructor Jodie Sullivan survived.

Tony McClean, a surfer and musician who was a youth pastor and tried to live the words of Gandhi, was committed to loving and serving other people in his life - and in his death.

A bond had already formed between Mr McClean's mother Jeanette and Tom, an international student from Taiwan.

As "camp mum" to Elim's overseas students, Mrs McClean had pushed Tom's case to the school, despite uncertain arrangements for funding of the care he would need.

Mr McClean snr said Tom, the only son of two Taiwanese teachers, flourished in the nurturing environment. "He can't speak properly and his hands are no good, but his legs go all right," said Mr McClean snr.

So when the family heard that Tony McClean had been found with Tom tied to him, "we were quite glad".

"In the most traumatic moment of his life, in fact the last moment of his life, he's still doing and saying exactly what he was doing and saying the previous Saturday and the previous week."

Mr McClean snr said his son's body was witness to his struggle to save his own life and Tom's.
"After I had seen him I texted my kids ... I said he wasn't disfigured but he looked like he had been through a pretty tough rugby match.

"I was proud of him. I looked at him and I knew he had struggled _ he would have struggled for those kids, struggled for his own life."

While on the ledge, Mr McClean encouraged the students with prayers and talk of hot showers before sending them off to swim downstream to the waiting instructor.

Miss Sullivan went first with a student, followed by 15-year-old Kish Proctor, who also survived.

Mr McClean and Tom were the last to leave the rocky ledge, and were washed over the dam and down the flooded river.

In a heartfelt letter to the McClean family, survivor Ashley Smith wrote of how Mr McClean "understood us students sooo well" and gave comfort during the ordeal.

"Being terrified of water, I was freaking out but he held me and said, `Don't worry, Ash, you can do this. I know you can because I will be praying for you'," she wrote.

"And right then everyone gathered around me, hugged me and prayed.

"I want you to know Mr McClean was such a special and unique person. I will never forget him."

It is one of the hundreds of tributes the family received this week.

Older brother to Paul, 26, Daniel, 23, and Hannah, 15, Tony McClean went to Auckland Grammar and was a prefect in his final year. He completed bachelor of arts and bachelor of theology degrees from Auckland University and trained as a teacher.

After graduating, he worked at St Thomas School in Kohimarama, Farm Cove Intermediate in Pakuranga and this year joined Elim Christian College.

Interspersed between the work was a season snowboarding in Canada in 2006 and travel last year to work with needy in Nepal and India.

Mr McClean snr, a pastor at Eastview Baptist Church in Howick, said travel crystallised his son's view of the need to live Christianity rather than just talking about it.

Mr McClean said he was immensely proud of his son, but he believed a few heroes had emerged, including Miss Sullivan.

Tony McClean was supposed to be in Christchurch today to be a part of his girlfriend's special day as bridesmaid to her sister.

Instead, Ruth Nixon will brave the ceremony, supported by family, friends and members of the Eastview Baptist Church.

Mr McClean snr said Ruth had decided to continue with her role in the bridal party, and two friends from the church had flown to be with her.

"That's the practical love that comes out of Christianity," said Mr McClean snr. "Too often people don't see that side."
- 19/4/08 New Zealand Herald.

Selfless love; what can I say, words fail to illustrate, for sometimes actions are so powerful.

Yet as I read this story, I just could not resist the evident parallels with Jesus Christ.

He did not have to die. In fact, as he did that very act, he knew that he drastically lowered his own chances of survival.

This is love. Love isn't game theory, where we assume that a being in this modern day and age act in their interests only.

Give up yourself, take up the cross, and follow me. The words of Jesus Christ.

It is what this brave, brave, man did. For to love takes courage.

To God, us humans are like that student, in fact even more disabled, even more of a burden for him to carry. Yet it is love that saved us. Love.

Hello, shallow, uninspiring, boring, meaningless world

I don't know what I'm doing here... I really don't

This ISN'T a place for me,

I can't find like-minded people

They're all so, oh so, oh terribly so, SHALLOW !...

All they care about is freaking vocation, the $$$, the comfort, the "prestige"

Oh empty honour! Oh empty prestige! Oh empty luxury! Oh empty effort! Oh empty ... life.

What is the meaning of such

SERIOUSLY

WTF is the meaning of that... that sucks... i hate it...

I REALLY SHOULDN'T HAVE COME HERE T.T

there is no point

Treading a path that has been treaded a million times before just isn't for me.

It sucks, it is uninspiring, it is boring, it is pointless, it is mindless, it is intellectually unstimulating, it is vacant, it is empty.

oh empty crows! Oh empty scavengers !

Is that what human life has become? Degenerated into this dreamless existence?

Oh what a sad reality !

PLEASE will something INSPIRE me? I have no will; no nothing... the everyday is but a sickening repetition of the commonplace, of trivialities, of meaninglessness. It is but a waste of time, waste of life, a waste of a place.

I really am saying this with all of my heart.

I am so utterly disgusted, and so thoroughly disappointed, with this shallow, shallow, shallow world.

People are but living spectres; they have no soul... obssessed with trivialities... they're UTTERLY MINDLESS. They might as well be simple automatons living the everyday.

How can the weight of a meager decision be so heavy?

Oh cruel world, why must we make the most important decisions when we ARE SO YOUNG? WHEN WE KNOW SO LITTLE? WHEN WE HAVEN'T HAD THE CHANCE TO BE INSPIRED? .......................... OH CRUEL WORLD....

sigh.

What am I doing here...

Is this what my heart REALLY desires ? ...

...

...

...

These people are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo shallow

You just can't have any sort of reasonable level of intellectual discourse with them, before matters turn back to MINDLESS, BORING, POINTLESS trivialities.

Please.

Anyone.

Anyone out there.

Please deny me.

PLEASE TELL ME THAT THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE who isn't so shallow, so obssessed with the everyday.. please... PLEASE.... please...please... please.....

The Excitement of Academia... and modern disillusionment

There just seem to be a disillusionment amidst young people
regarding the excitement of academia... of higher concepts..

They just seem obssessed with everyday trivialities,
when.. when... right before them... are these brilliant, beautiful,
enchanting things.

I think my excitement, and I guess, the excitement of those in
Academia (who are really passionate about their pursuits... you
know these people when you see them) is really well epitomised
in the song "A whole new world"... the lyrics really capture that excitement...

And of course, as "informed" people who know of such excitement, as "holders" of such inspiring knowledge, we want to share it with others... but of course accompanying that is, well, a sort of "lamentation" at the state of the everyday where the laypeople simply do not recognise the sheer wonder of these things... the sheer apathy... when all one needs to do is open one's mind...

Anyway... "A whole new world"... entering academia really is like entering a whole new world, it's truly exciting, the things that are revealed... (for once, please, let us take a break from the mundane everyday triviailities! The everyday bores me as much as "technicalities" do to the general populace!)

I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me, princess, now when did
You last let your heart decide?

I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways and under
On a magic carpet ride

A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming

A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I'm way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you
Now I'm in a whole new world with you

Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky

A whole new world
Don't you dare close your eyes
A hundred thousand things to see
Hold your breath - it gets better
I'm like a shooting star
I've come so far
I can't go back to where I used to be

A whole new world
Every turn a surprise
With new horizons to pursue
Every moment red-letter
I'll chase them anywhere
There's time to spare
Let me share this whole new world with you

A whole new world
a whole new world
That's where we'll be
That's where we'll be
A thrilling chase
A wondrous place
For you and me

The Human Brain evolved for better gossiping.

Nope. I think it's sad, but hey, that's the reality.

The human brain didn't evolve to make good tools. To erect civilization, and advance technology or anything grand like that.

It evolved as social grooming became ever-more complex... and we started to master the art of gossip. Hell, even LANGUAGE evolved for gossip. Sigh.

Pretty much the only reason humans have so much "intelligence" is for gossip (i.e. social relations) to become ever-more "interesting" "multi-levelled" and complex.

Technology, and "academic" intelligence are mere by-products of the brain that evolved for gossip. SIGH.

sad state.

Humans are incredibly social animals... social more than anything else... just look around you, it's the 21st century but still what's most important for humans is "gossip", i.e., social stuff.

And I suck at gossiping.. small talk... and all that jazz :(

You cannot love others unless you love yourself...

"Love your neighbour as you do yourself" ... the golden rule...

What I never fully realised... until now... was this....

It tells us to love ourselves if we want to love others.

...

The capacity to love others arises from our capacity to love ourselves...

If you don't love yourself... you can't love others...

...

Everyone thinks it is a grand assumption: That everyone will love themselves to such an immense degree, that if they loved others to even a fraction of that it'd be fine.

Well this assumption isn't necessary true. For people like me, who so often hates oneself.

...

I want to have a dialogue with myself.

Exactly why do I hate myself so much?

Exactly why do I regret, hate every single action I make, every single word I say?...

Who knows..

Selflessness

Thanks to God for my Redeemer,
Thanks for all Thou dost provide!
Thanks for times now but a memory,
Thanks for Jesus by my side!
Thanks for pleasant, balmy springtime,
Thanks for dark and dreary fall!
Thanks for tears by now forgotten,
Thanks for peace within my soul!

Thanks for prayers that Thou hast answered,
Thanks for what Thou dost deny!
Thanks for storms that I have weathered,
Thanks for all Thou dost supply!
Thanks for pain and thanks for pleasure,
Thanks for comfort in despair!
Thanks for grace that none can measure,
Thanks for love beyond compare!

Thanks for roses by the wayside,
Thanks for thorns their stems contain!
Thanks for home and thanks for fireside,
Thanks for hope, that sweet refrain!
Thanks for joy and thanks for sorrow,
Thanks for heav’nly peace with Thee!
Thanks for hope in the tomorrow,
Thanks thru all eternity!

- Hymn, "Thanks to god for my Redeemer" by August L. Storm and John A. Hultman
***

I really think there are a few things that are as selfless as genuinely giving thanks. It is an acknowledgement of one's limit. It is an acknowledgement that one isn't everything in this world. That we aren't some super-hero that can live in the world by ourselves without ever thanking anyone, or anything.

I really like that above hymn. I find it truly selfless. So often what is associated with prayers (and to a greater degree, religion, philosophy, and other belief systems) these days is what we want, what we desire. Yet what the above hymn shows is a gratitude for everything. Yes, everything. Not only the "good" things in life, but the "bad" things too. I really think this constitutes a far more matured, refined worldview than that of the mere homo economicus, who, if I can so caricature: "wants this, wants that, wants everything good for them, and in the best way possible."

Ultimately, what is posited is selflessness. True humbleness, a truer appreciation, an understanding, of everything, through giving up oneself and one's selfish desires.

Even though giving thanks for what are undoubtedly "good" things, is in today's society, quite a commendable act (given the self-centredness of so many people) I believe one becomes further selfless by thanking everything, including those things, that, at first sight, seem "bad" to us.

Like:
Thanks for times now but a memory,
Thanks for dark and dreary fall!
Thanks for tears by now forgotten,
Thanks for what Thou dost deny!
Thanks for storms that I have weathered,
Thanks for pain and thanks for pleasure,
Thanks for thorns their stems contain!
Thanks for joy and thanks for sorrow,

I really love it. So selfless !
Far more mature mindset than that of so many people in this world...
No longer wee babies that cry when denied their wee treat!

I don't want to over-explain about this, I think it takes away from the fuller appreciation one receives by simply reflecting upon it, without necessary having to verbalise it into the confines of language.

But, just as an idea, why should we be thankful for those seemingly negative things?
There are, many, many reasons, some which I believe are very deep and that which, I, of course, cannot understand fully. But just to mention some:
- Those things teach us the value of the "good" things.
- They constitute, often, the more important aspects of one's experience; Ultimately, these experiences makes one wiser, and more mature. For example, I would gladly take the advice of someone who has experienced failure (and how it came about) as well as success, rather than someone who has simply experienced success (more or less) throughout their life.
- It acknowledges that what we perceive as good may in fact be but selfish opinions of ourselves, based upon one's prejudice. Again, an acknowledgement of one's limitations.
- What may be "bad" for us may be for "good" for others. (Again, a giving up of our own self-interest)
- What may seem "bad" for us immediately may result in a "greater good" over a long term - what we don't understand immediately may be revealed later.
- Really, just a simple act of selflessness. Ultimately, I believe it is a healthy optimism - optimism that does not deny, to blind ourselves that there are bad things in our life, that we fully acknowledge that they exist... yet by thanking those very things... I really do believe this constitutes a truer, a more powerful optimism...
- Many, many other reasons.

Please, let us forget ourselves, our desires, for once...

A Plea to the Judgemental Society

All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be

- "Unwell" Matchbox 20

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Today's society is so judgemental... judging people so quickly...
Sometimes... they just never give you time.

Patience... isn't a virtue for no reason.

Not everything, in fact, hardly anything is evident at first glance.

We all know not to judge a book by it's cover... but of course it is what we do all the time ...
Sigh, typical, typical, typical people ...

Ever wondered how long it takes to get to know a person?





A Lifetime.

...Or longer.

...Or forever.

And yet society decides to judge a person in 0.5 seconds ? ...

There really is no patience in the modern world.

We're so self-centred, "relationships" are just those quick "fix-ups" we have for our benefit, on par with, say, 3-minute noodles, and then, we move on. "Love", "friendships", whatever.

What really is important is getting to know one another; who they are... and as I said, you can't try too hard with this... humans are intricately deep, deep beings - most of the time, we don't even know who we are ourselves; let alone other people? Get over it.

Because...... we skim over... glance past... so many people... we judge them in first glance... in our first encounter .... and that's it. We think we know them. Wow. That's just arrogance. Sheer selfishness. And ultimately, it is a lack of love. Because the opposite of love is not hatred; it's disinterest, it's apathy, it's disattachment, of not caring about who they are, of thinking that we know everything there is about that person.

The Miracle of the Everyday

Why ask for miracles

When this universe is one;

Our beautiful planet is one...

Yet-

What we get for free, We find it very, very hard to appreciate

It has always been there for us

...

Our very body - we take for so granted, the things that take place, what we can do with it...

It is only when we examine it very closely; when we understand it under a greater framework

That we truely begin to appreciate what a wonder it is. What a miracle it is, that everything works so well, when so many things could go wrong.

What greater miracle is there

Than the fact that we are alive...

I don't care how it came about, through evolution or creation... the reality is, it's a miracle either way.

And there is a reason I do not abandon faith in Christianity, that I still find beauty in it...

Because...

People have been given love which they cannot appreciate...

Because it was... free... absolutely free.... and of course, it's ever-so-hard for us humans to value something we got for... nothing.

Like our planet, our bodies, I feel there is something great about that unconditional love that was given for free. Before we understand it, we really can't appreciate it. I must admit I don't get it fully yet; but from what I've discovered from the human body, I know there is great hope in this....

There really is beauty in the everyday, there really is no greater miracle.
Yet, it is a miracle very difficult for humans to appreciate...
Until one day, when it just hits them.

***

This is something notoriously difficult to express;
everyone has heard of this idea, they know about it.
However, of course, that doesn't mean anything, until the day one finally understands it - truely feels it...

***

Where does one acquire social skills?

I just can't do it.

It is too hard...

We are born as who we are, how on earth are we meant to change it?

I read all those shyness manuals out there, they say the ultimate solution is to "be yourself"

Right. K. Continue being that shy self, socially inept self. Right. Suuure that will help?...

I don't know. There are things that can change in this world. Oneself is definitely not part of that.

What really is self-evident is: No matter how hard you try...

You can't change who you are.

I look back at the past.
Sure, there were impetuses to change. Sure, there was effort. In fact, excruciating, painstaking effort. What others seemed to achieve with seamless ease, I had to work so hard to "try" and achieve it. Result? Of course I couldn't. I just couldn't change myself. I just couldn't. It's too hard...

One thing I want to know. Where on earth, how do you acquire social skills? ... This problem really exacerbates as one ages. As one grows older, when people notice you lack social skills, they just don't approach you. (whether from dislike, or they're worried they'll become uncomfortable/self-conscious themselves) And then the problem worsens. One is denied the simple chance to experiment, the opportunity to try; in fact, a socially inept individual must make more effort than the normal person to... just acquire those skills, for barriers are erected before them by society, along with closed-mindedness. In fact it becomes all but impossible.

Socially adept individuals like to hang out with... other such individuals. There simply isn't any reason, any motive for them to bother try to mingle with inept ones. Actually, some of the nicer ones do try; however they give up pretty promptly, out of either frustration or boredom.

In such a way, socially inept individuals become isolated. There sheer chances of improving their social skills becomes nil, and this becomes a vicious feedback loop. There really is no way out.

Social skills, in my view, is just one of those critical things a person must learn at a very young age. By this I mean, as a baby or in kindergarten - even the early years of elementary school doesn't cut it, complex social networks/relationships are already forming in between 5-year olds, barring any latecomers. (I know this from experience!)

I don't know why it's not taught of in the curriculum, when it becomes perhaps the most critical skill later in life. In modern-day life, you don't need to know what 1+1 equals, but you do need a heck of a lot of social skills. Sigh. If you can't learn social skills at that critical age, then you're gone. You're stamped for life, as a socially inept person. It is not difficult to enter that aforementioned cycle.

My soul cries. I can't just one day simply decide to become a more assertive person. Because? This problem is NOT a question of motivation, or of "effort"; it's the problem of denial of opportunity, denial of information, by others, and society itself. The knowledge and, more importantly, application of social skills really is a well-guarded secret in today's society, only held by those who have it already... impossible to acquire, impossible to practice, impossible to discover.

Thank you, society. If you ever wonder why there are dysfunctionals, inept, "weird" people out there, the answer lies not in them, but in yourself.

What "society" means to me

"Society", to me, is simple.

It's about having fun.

You might think that's a good thing: well, I congratulate you, for being a well and healthy member of such a "society".

Well, I don't think it is. (a good thing)

Freaking everything, every disgusting little thing, is geared towards having "fun", or garnering some sort of enjoyment - no matter how fleeting and trivial that "enjoyment" it is. Take humour for example. I hate it. Humour, so often, seems to define who we are. Ask any girl, why they find some guy X attractive. One of the main reasons they come up with will be "because they're funny" or because they "have a great sense of humour". In fact, the relationship at question need not even be that specific. Ask anyone why they like a certain person: almost, undoubtedly, many will come up with the above same answers.

Even employers, colleagues, and other people in a whole swathe of environments (spanning both work & "non-work") practically demand humour in today's society, as part of being a "good" person. Should you lack it, well, officially they can't really do anything about it or criticise you... but perhaps a lot more importantly, they won't really like you as a person. And of course, that's critical in today's society.

Coupled with that disgusting thing called humour, is well, the human being's attempts to garner some sort of fun at every little chance they get. Every adult is really a child at heart. They love to play. Of course, on the outside, adults don't really resemble children playing on the playground. (Although I've seen things get pretty close) Yet that does not mean that they don't want to play. In fact, adults play more, and to a greater extent, intensity, and complication, than children. What greater example of adult play than that found everywhere you look: gossiping? ... and then, there are those random, peculiar attractions to small, trivial, things that people seem to have. (For "fun" of course; no real attachments) And then of course there is, to a greater scope, conversation. In my experience, hardly any conversation is carried out for "information-exchange"; rather it's done for fun, to pass time. Beyond that, there are of course those completely random, inexplicable things people do to ultimately... have fun.

Those, small, everyday examples, simply clog our days. A lot more effort and time is gone into an individual's desire to have fun - no matter how small it is - than to "work" or do any other things. And of course, such 'small' things, oh-so-ironically are the things that remains in everyone's memories, it is what we remember people by.

I have deliberately left out perhaps one of the examples of adult playing: partying, or, if one is perhaps more refined, "social dinners".

In my view, there cannot be anything more pointless than those things. It simply is all about having fun. Sigh. I donno, I just get overwhelmed with the whole idea of meeting, to well, talk, and do other random things. It just doesn't strike me.

Neither does the fact that everyone can chuck in tidbits of humour wherever they are, whenever, to whoever they're talking to. I just don't get how they're able to do that. And to a lesser extent, what motivates them.

In fact, if you really want a glimpse of a fun-oriented culture, just look at youth culture... "pop" culture. If you take "fun" out of it, well, I'm quite glad to admit that there really is nothing left, hardly any essence is left behind.

And that's what saddens me,
the whole ephemeralness of fun - how it is a celebration of the moment, of the instant - the present - and no more.

With what rod do you judge success...

With what rod do you judge success? ...
So many people travel life's road... must it always be the same old story ..................................
same old people... same old story...
what's the point ? ...
==========================================

Is there really a way out when the sky crashes down upon you?
When the weight of life is more than you can possibly imagine? ...
When "success" is simply a stylized ... thing ...
What ..... sense is in that ...............................?....

What about the unfortunate?... What about those born in abject situations? conditions? Who had to work their freaking a** out for subsistence?

Did those guys have the time, the resources to develop those "wide-varying interests"?
Did they have the information, to consider various life-options?

I know it's the obvious, but life is unfair.

Some people are just born to be those "successful" people. (or at least in the biased way in which that rod is decided) Think about the conditions they were born in: perfect; just perfect. It'd be a wonder if they didn't succeed in its usual sense - they have the socioeconomic, cultural background; perhaps more importantly, they have the character, which again, in my view, is but a run-off from a balanced, filtered, cultural and family environment, and ... genetics of course. In my view at least, a vast amount of a person's character, personality are genetically determined. In fact, even they weren't, that wouldn't matter a bit. My point is, that what makes us up as a "such-and-such person" is largely determined by external forces.

People may parade, so-and-so is a "successful person", yadda-yadda, but do they realise, that those people themselves, as an autonomous human being, have contributed to oh so little to who they are? That, put it simply, they simply came to be.... so many of the crucial factors of our lives are decided before we're even conceived... and they're further added on, ever-present... as we grow up, shaping us into who we become.

Under such case, where does success truly belong? When that very successful individual is but a product of some inevitable "successful-individual-manufacturing-environment?"

Seriously, what value is in that? What merit is present in such "success"?

When I see those people, read about, hear about those people, .... I donno... somewhere deep in my soul... I feel an emptiness.... is this all human life is about?

The "unsuccessful" are further denied opportunities....

That seperation continues ...

Would they ever know.... that that labourer working 17 hours a day... has in his heart, a true and deep love for mankind?
Would they ever know.... that that child wandering the streets... has in his brain, the cure for cancer?
Would they ever know.... that that nobody in the middle of nowhere, has the capacity to lead and move humanity forward? Provide new and valuable insights?

Would they ever know.... the deepest sorrows, desires, anguishes, pains of these people,
placed upon them by an unforgiving environment..... that some of the emotions they feel, are as real as it gets; that... so often... well... in them is so much potential...... as HUMAN BEINGS, as people with free will, as a person.... in the truest, and fullest sense of that word...

When we think of a person,
Let us strip away all those external things over which they had no control,
Let us forget about that...
And look at them for who they are
Who they really are as a person

And decide whether they're successful or not - if such a term is ever appropriate in judging the identity of a whole person.