Conversation is ALL about responding

Here is a truth that no one tells you yet is so very true.

Conversation is all about responding. THAT is what differentiates a conversation from an interrogation.

Conversation is about not ignoring or ‘passing over’ what they have just said – it’s about following it up. Follow it up, follow it up, follow it up, follow it up.

The following is one of the worst things you can do in a conversation:

A: Speaks about something.

B: “Oh ok.” Then a big silence, or asks about something completely different disjointed and unrelated to what Person A has just said.

You see doing that is terrible in a conversation. Conversation is NOT a “frantic search” on your behalf of thinking of what to ask next. Rather it’s all about responding. When the focus is on responding rather than “running down a checklist” – that is when things will happen naturally.

As scary as it sounds – it is only when we let go of that metal bar holding you back to the shore – and be swept away by conversation – that true conversation occurs. It is all about responding. ALL about responding.

And this is where the art of conversation comes in. The fact that you are continually responding does NOT mean you “abandon your own agenda”; no – your agenda is always at the back of your mind – however, it should not be made ridiculously overt like in an interrogation. Things should flow “naturally”; how do you make things flow “naturally”? By RESPONDING. Conversation is ALL about responding. I just want you to get this straight to begin with, and we’ll add the details later.

Conversation is like a game of tennis – you hit the same ball back and forward. A conversation goes like this – you “serve” the ball (with an open question). They then reply to you (hit the ball back, with an “answer”, a “story” or a “comment”). What do you do next? No, you don’t let the ball just fly past you with some feeble answer like “oh ok”. You hit THAT ball back. A reply to their reply. You DON’T serve them a “completely new ball”.

This is what I mean – when I say conversation is all about responding. Responding to what they have said, responding to how they are feeling. It is when your mind is set on responding that any emphatic responses will come naturally and not be contrived.

Don’t be afraid, that because you are always responding that you will not ‘cover your grounds’ – of course you will. Of course you will. But it’ll just all happen more naturally. Conversation is ALL about responding.

Follow up, follow up, follow up, follow up. We all know that in your heart, you do not ignore everything they’re saying. But as the other person, they don’t know whether you’re ignoring them or not. That is why we need to follow up – to make it overt that we have LISTENED to what they have said, and that we are responding.

Conversation is all about responding. You might think that you only need to respond should they ask a question. That is not true at all! You should respond to ANYTHING they say – not just those that end in a question mark.

You see – what differentiates a stilted, unnatural conversation, to that of a natural, flowing, emphatic conversation – is whether you are continually responding to what they’re saying or not.

People are complex. In order to show that you care, you must respond. You could have a heart of gold but if you never respond they will not know anything. Conversation is all about responding.

No one can be denied of happiness - no, no one.

People think it’s impossible to be happy when you are disabled. When you are impoverished. When you are sick. When you are alone. When you are inferior. When no one likes you. When you are severely disfigured.

But you see – that is a merely a thought, a perception – and one that can be most certainly be broken.

I have seen happiness in -

The poorest of people

The most disabled

The most alone

The most sick

The most ‘inferior’

The most disfigured

You see, such things are but appendages of who we are. Who are we to say – that such things should stop one from experiencing happiness? Of course we cannot say that. Because life is greater. It’s so much greater than the shackles that society likes to put around us, the boxes, the limits. They say we cannot be happy – well let me tell you – oh yes we can, oh yes we can.

It is society’s sin of attributing unhappiness that is wrong. That is depressing – in fact, it acts as a self-fulfilling prophecy to those people.

Well let me tell you a self-fulfilling prophecy that’s much better – no one can be denied of happiness. No, no one. Society might think that someone cannot be happy. But that’s what society thinks. No one can deny an individual from being happy.

You see, in order for criticism to hurt, it requires your consent. In order for mockery to hurt, it requires your consent. In order for labelling to hurt, it requires your consent. It is when you start believing society’s labels, expectations and attributions that things actually start hurting. It is when you deny such beliefs that – voila – one can be happy with who one is.

You have every right to be who you are, and be happy with it.