I loathe thee

................................................................................ I've been dreaming all my life
I used to always complain that other people are inadequate, that they didn't think like me, that they couldn't understand me.......
well that was pure arrogance
Now I've waken up and looking around I see so many others giving everything... with A LOT of depth and maturity in the way they think and live.

And Here I am................. this wretched fool who knows no better than them.

The case of my life is weird.
I thought that I was always ahead... ...
Yet with lame excuses like "coming in contact with reality" "conforming to be like others" "trying to lead a normal life"
I DEGRADED MYSELF COMPLETELY; I LOWERED MYSELF!
NO, this was no humble act or anything flash like that - it was the pure act of throwing oneself into the gutter.
What I didn't know was......
........ that I would be stuck there.
From UP THERE, this position may look interesting... completely logical, sensible, it seemed that most of the world was in this position was anyway.
How mistaken I was,
How naive I was,
How foolish I was.
Never do you realise that until you actually stoop down to this level, you really experience how fortunate you were when you were UP THERE.
Only when you have muddled up, do you really realise the value of organisation and self-control.

Now I hate myself.
I absoultely loathe myself for being such a foolish loser.

Yet what can I do !!!!!
If I were to hate someone else... I could kick them... yell at them.. ignore them...
Yet how can one hate ONESELF? ......
I have to live with such a decrepid self 24/7... imagine being with someone you hate for every second in your life...
......
I'm a loser. I SUCK.
I wish more people could hurl insults at themselves.
That would make the world such a better place.