Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The Human Brain evolved for better gossiping.

Nope. I think it's sad, but hey, that's the reality.

The human brain didn't evolve to make good tools. To erect civilization, and advance technology or anything grand like that.

It evolved as social grooming became ever-more complex... and we started to master the art of gossip. Hell, even LANGUAGE evolved for gossip. Sigh.

Pretty much the only reason humans have so much "intelligence" is for gossip (i.e. social relations) to become ever-more "interesting" "multi-levelled" and complex.

Technology, and "academic" intelligence are mere by-products of the brain that evolved for gossip. SIGH.

sad state.

Humans are incredibly social animals... social more than anything else... just look around you, it's the 21st century but still what's most important for humans is "gossip", i.e., social stuff.

And I suck at gossiping.. small talk... and all that jazz :(

Friday, March 21, 2008

You cannot love others unless you love yourself...

"Love your neighbour as you do yourself" ... the golden rule...

What I never fully realised... until now... was this....

It tells us to love ourselves if we want to love others.

...

The capacity to love others arises from our capacity to love ourselves...

If you don't love yourself... you can't love others...

...

Everyone thinks it is a grand assumption: That everyone will love themselves to such an immense degree, that if they loved others to even a fraction of that it'd be fine.

Well this assumption isn't necessary true. For people like me, who so often hates oneself.

...

I want to have a dialogue with myself.

Exactly why do I hate myself so much?

Exactly why do I regret, hate every single action I make, every single word I say?...

Who knows..

Selflessness

Thanks to God for my Redeemer,
Thanks for all Thou dost provide!
Thanks for times now but a memory,
Thanks for Jesus by my side!
Thanks for pleasant, balmy springtime,
Thanks for dark and dreary fall!
Thanks for tears by now forgotten,
Thanks for peace within my soul!

Thanks for prayers that Thou hast answered,
Thanks for what Thou dost deny!
Thanks for storms that I have weathered,
Thanks for all Thou dost supply!
Thanks for pain and thanks for pleasure,
Thanks for comfort in despair!
Thanks for grace that none can measure,
Thanks for love beyond compare!

Thanks for roses by the wayside,
Thanks for thorns their stems contain!
Thanks for home and thanks for fireside,
Thanks for hope, that sweet refrain!
Thanks for joy and thanks for sorrow,
Thanks for heav’nly peace with Thee!
Thanks for hope in the tomorrow,
Thanks thru all eternity!

- Hymn, "Thanks to god for my Redeemer" by August L. Storm and John A. Hultman
***

I really think there are a few things that are as selfless as genuinely giving thanks. It is an acknowledgement of one's limit. It is an acknowledgement that one isn't everything in this world. That we aren't some super-hero that can live in the world by ourselves without ever thanking anyone, or anything.

I really like that above hymn. I find it truly selfless. So often what is associated with prayers (and to a greater degree, religion, philosophy, and other belief systems) these days is what we want, what we desire. Yet what the above hymn shows is a gratitude for everything. Yes, everything. Not only the "good" things in life, but the "bad" things too. I really think this constitutes a far more matured, refined worldview than that of the mere homo economicus, who, if I can so caricature: "wants this, wants that, wants everything good for them, and in the best way possible."

Ultimately, what is posited is selflessness. True humbleness, a truer appreciation, an understanding, of everything, through giving up oneself and one's selfish desires.

Even though giving thanks for what are undoubtedly "good" things, is in today's society, quite a commendable act (given the self-centredness of so many people) I believe one becomes further selfless by thanking everything, including those things, that, at first sight, seem "bad" to us.

Like:
Thanks for times now but a memory,
Thanks for dark and dreary fall!
Thanks for tears by now forgotten,
Thanks for what Thou dost deny!
Thanks for storms that I have weathered,
Thanks for pain and thanks for pleasure,
Thanks for thorns their stems contain!
Thanks for joy and thanks for sorrow,

I really love it. So selfless !
Far more mature mindset than that of so many people in this world...
No longer wee babies that cry when denied their wee treat!

I don't want to over-explain about this, I think it takes away from the fuller appreciation one receives by simply reflecting upon it, without necessary having to verbalise it into the confines of language.

But, just as an idea, why should we be thankful for those seemingly negative things?
There are, many, many reasons, some which I believe are very deep and that which, I, of course, cannot understand fully. But just to mention some:
- Those things teach us the value of the "good" things.
- They constitute, often, the more important aspects of one's experience; Ultimately, these experiences makes one wiser, and more mature. For example, I would gladly take the advice of someone who has experienced failure (and how it came about) as well as success, rather than someone who has simply experienced success (more or less) throughout their life.
- It acknowledges that what we perceive as good may in fact be but selfish opinions of ourselves, based upon one's prejudice. Again, an acknowledgement of one's limitations.
- What may be "bad" for us may be for "good" for others. (Again, a giving up of our own self-interest)
- What may seem "bad" for us immediately may result in a "greater good" over a long term - what we don't understand immediately may be revealed later.
- Really, just a simple act of selflessness. Ultimately, I believe it is a healthy optimism - optimism that does not deny, to blind ourselves that there are bad things in our life, that we fully acknowledge that they exist... yet by thanking those very things... I really do believe this constitutes a truer, a more powerful optimism...
- Many, many other reasons.

Please, let us forget ourselves, our desires, for once...

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

A Plea to the Judgemental Society

All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be

- "Unwell" Matchbox 20

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be


Today's society is so judgemental... judging people so quickly...
Sometimes... they just never give you time.

Patience... isn't a virtue for no reason.

Not everything, in fact, hardly anything is evident at first glance.

We all know not to judge a book by it's cover... but of course it is what we do all the time ...
Sigh, typical, typical, typical people ...

Ever wondered how long it takes to get to know a person?





A Lifetime.

...Or longer.

...Or forever.

And yet society decides to judge a person in 0.5 seconds ? ...

There really is no patience in the modern world.

We're so self-centred, "relationships" are just those quick "fix-ups" we have for our benefit, on par with, say, 3-minute noodles, and then, we move on. "Love", "friendships", whatever.

What really is important is getting to know one another; who they are... and as I said, you can't try too hard with this... humans are intricately deep, deep beings - most of the time, we don't even know who we are ourselves; let alone other people? Get over it.

Because...... we skim over... glance past... so many people... we judge them in first glance... in our first encounter .... and that's it. We think we know them. Wow. That's just arrogance. Sheer selfishness. And ultimately, it is a lack of love. Because the opposite of love is not hatred; it's disinterest, it's apathy, it's disattachment, of not caring about who they are, of thinking that we know everything there is about that person.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

The Miracle of the Everyday

Why ask for miracles

When this universe is one;

Our beautiful planet is one...

Yet-

What we get for free, We find it very, very hard to appreciate

It has always been there for us

...

Our very body - we take for so granted, the things that take place, what we can do with it...

It is only when we examine it very closely; when we understand it under a greater framework

That we truely begin to appreciate what a wonder it is. What a miracle it is, that everything works so well, when so many things could go wrong.

What greater miracle is there

Than the fact that we are alive...

I don't care how it came about, through evolution or creation... the reality is, it's a miracle either way.

And there is a reason I do not abandon faith in Christianity, that I still find beauty in it...

Because...

People have been given love which they cannot appreciate...

Because it was... free... absolutely free.... and of course, it's ever-so-hard for us humans to value something we got for... nothing.

Like our planet, our bodies, I feel there is something great about that unconditional love that was given for free. Before we understand it, we really can't appreciate it. I must admit I don't get it fully yet; but from what I've discovered from the human body, I know there is great hope in this....

There really is beauty in the everyday, there really is no greater miracle.
Yet, it is a miracle very difficult for humans to appreciate...
Until one day, when it just hits them.

***

This is something notoriously difficult to express;
everyone has heard of this idea, they know about it.
However, of course, that doesn't mean anything, until the day one finally understands it - truely feels it...

***

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Where does one acquire social skills?

I just can't do it.

It is too hard...

We are born as who we are, how on earth are we meant to change it?

I read all those shyness manuals out there, they say the ultimate solution is to "be yourself"

Right. K. Continue being that shy self, socially inept self. Right. Suuure that will help?...

I don't know. There are things that can change in this world. Oneself is definitely not part of that.

What really is self-evident is: No matter how hard you try...

You can't change who you are.

I look back at the past.
Sure, there were impetuses to change. Sure, there was effort. In fact, excruciating, painstaking effort. What others seemed to achieve with seamless ease, I had to work so hard to "try" and achieve it. Result? Of course I couldn't. I just couldn't change myself. I just couldn't. It's too hard...

One thing I want to know. Where on earth, how do you acquire social skills? ... This problem really exacerbates as one ages. As one grows older, when people notice you lack social skills, they just don't approach you. (whether from dislike, or they're worried they'll become uncomfortable/self-conscious themselves) And then the problem worsens. One is denied the simple chance to experiment, the opportunity to try; in fact, a socially inept individual must make more effort than the normal person to... just acquire those skills, for barriers are erected before them by society, along with closed-mindedness. In fact it becomes all but impossible.

Socially adept individuals like to hang out with... other such individuals. There simply isn't any reason, any motive for them to bother try to mingle with inept ones. Actually, some of the nicer ones do try; however they give up pretty promptly, out of either frustration or boredom.

In such a way, socially inept individuals become isolated. There sheer chances of improving their social skills becomes nil, and this becomes a vicious feedback loop. There really is no way out.

Social skills, in my view, is just one of those critical things a person must learn at a very young age. By this I mean, as a baby or in kindergarten - even the early years of elementary school doesn't cut it, complex social networks/relationships are already forming in between 5-year olds, barring any latecomers. (I know this from experience!)

I don't know why it's not taught of in the curriculum, when it becomes perhaps the most critical skill later in life. In modern-day life, you don't need to know what 1+1 equals, but you do need a heck of a lot of social skills. Sigh. If you can't learn social skills at that critical age, then you're gone. You're stamped for life, as a socially inept person. It is not difficult to enter that aforementioned cycle.

My soul cries. I can't just one day simply decide to become a more assertive person. Because? This problem is NOT a question of motivation, or of "effort"; it's the problem of denial of opportunity, denial of information, by others, and society itself. The knowledge and, more importantly, application of social skills really is a well-guarded secret in today's society, only held by those who have it already... impossible to acquire, impossible to practice, impossible to discover.

Thank you, society. If you ever wonder why there are dysfunctionals, inept, "weird" people out there, the answer lies not in them, but in yourself.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

What "society" means to me

"Society", to me, is simple.

It's about having fun.

You might think that's a good thing: well, I congratulate you, for being a well and healthy member of such a "society".

Well, I don't think it is. (a good thing)

Freaking everything, every disgusting little thing, is geared towards having "fun", or garnering some sort of enjoyment - no matter how fleeting and trivial that "enjoyment" it is. Take humour for example. I hate it. Humour, so often, seems to define who we are. Ask any girl, why they find some guy X attractive. One of the main reasons they come up with will be "because they're funny" or because they "have a great sense of humour". In fact, the relationship at question need not even be that specific. Ask anyone why they like a certain person: almost, undoubtedly, many will come up with the above same answers.

Even employers, colleagues, and other people in a whole swathe of environments (spanning both work & "non-work") practically demand humour in today's society, as part of being a "good" person. Should you lack it, well, officially they can't really do anything about it or criticise you... but perhaps a lot more importantly, they won't really like you as a person. And of course, that's critical in today's society.

Coupled with that disgusting thing called humour, is well, the human being's attempts to garner some sort of fun at every little chance they get. Every adult is really a child at heart. They love to play. Of course, on the outside, adults don't really resemble children playing on the playground. (Although I've seen things get pretty close) Yet that does not mean that they don't want to play. In fact, adults play more, and to a greater extent, intensity, and complication, than children. What greater example of adult play than that found everywhere you look: gossiping? ... and then, there are those random, peculiar attractions to small, trivial, things that people seem to have. (For "fun" of course; no real attachments) And then of course there is, to a greater scope, conversation. In my experience, hardly any conversation is carried out for "information-exchange"; rather it's done for fun, to pass time. Beyond that, there are of course those completely random, inexplicable things people do to ultimately... have fun.

Those, small, everyday examples, simply clog our days. A lot more effort and time is gone into an individual's desire to have fun - no matter how small it is - than to "work" or do any other things. And of course, such 'small' things, oh-so-ironically are the things that remains in everyone's memories, it is what we remember people by.

I have deliberately left out perhaps one of the examples of adult playing: partying, or, if one is perhaps more refined, "social dinners".

In my view, there cannot be anything more pointless than those things. It simply is all about having fun. Sigh. I donno, I just get overwhelmed with the whole idea of meeting, to well, talk, and do other random things. It just doesn't strike me.

Neither does the fact that everyone can chuck in tidbits of humour wherever they are, whenever, to whoever they're talking to. I just don't get how they're able to do that. And to a lesser extent, what motivates them.

In fact, if you really want a glimpse of a fun-oriented culture, just look at youth culture... "pop" culture. If you take "fun" out of it, well, I'm quite glad to admit that there really is nothing left, hardly any essence is left behind.

And that's what saddens me,
the whole ephemeralness of fun - how it is a celebration of the moment, of the instant - the present - and no more.

Friday, March 07, 2008

With what rod do you judge success...

With what rod do you judge success? ...
So many people travel life's road... must it always be the same old story ..................................
same old people... same old story...
what's the point ? ...
==========================================

Is there really a way out when the sky crashes down upon you?
When the weight of life is more than you can possibly imagine? ...
When "success" is simply a stylized ... thing ...
What ..... sense is in that ...............................?....

What about the unfortunate?... What about those born in abject situations? conditions? Who had to work their freaking a** out for subsistence?

Did those guys have the time, the resources to develop those "wide-varying interests"?
Did they have the information, to consider various life-options?

I know it's the obvious, but life is unfair.

Some people are just born to be those "successful" people. (or at least in the biased way in which that rod is decided) Think about the conditions they were born in: perfect; just perfect. It'd be a wonder if they didn't succeed in its usual sense - they have the socioeconomic, cultural background; perhaps more importantly, they have the character, which again, in my view, is but a run-off from a balanced, filtered, cultural and family environment, and ... genetics of course. In my view at least, a vast amount of a person's character, personality are genetically determined. In fact, even they weren't, that wouldn't matter a bit. My point is, that what makes us up as a "such-and-such person" is largely determined by external forces.

People may parade, so-and-so is a "successful person", yadda-yadda, but do they realise, that those people themselves, as an autonomous human being, have contributed to oh so little to who they are? That, put it simply, they simply came to be.... so many of the crucial factors of our lives are decided before we're even conceived... and they're further added on, ever-present... as we grow up, shaping us into who we become.

Under such case, where does success truly belong? When that very successful individual is but a product of some inevitable "successful-individual-manufacturing-environment?"

Seriously, what value is in that? What merit is present in such "success"?

When I see those people, read about, hear about those people, .... I donno... somewhere deep in my soul... I feel an emptiness.... is this all human life is about?

The "unsuccessful" are further denied opportunities....

That seperation continues ...

Would they ever know.... that that labourer working 17 hours a day... has in his heart, a true and deep love for mankind?
Would they ever know.... that that child wandering the streets... has in his brain, the cure for cancer?
Would they ever know.... that that nobody in the middle of nowhere, has the capacity to lead and move humanity forward? Provide new and valuable insights?

Would they ever know.... the deepest sorrows, desires, anguishes, pains of these people,
placed upon them by an unforgiving environment..... that some of the emotions they feel, are as real as it gets; that... so often... well... in them is so much potential...... as HUMAN BEINGS, as people with free will, as a person.... in the truest, and fullest sense of that word...

When we think of a person,
Let us strip away all those external things over which they had no control,
Let us forget about that...
And look at them for who they are
Who they really are as a person

And decide whether they're successful or not - if such a term is ever appropriate in judging the identity of a whole person.