Gossip. Smalltalk. "Hanging around." Bonding.

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They say humans are social animals.
I do not doubt this.
Before we are intellectuals, tool-users, or whatever, we are social animals.
Often it is, therefore, the case where social things are rated of higher value than other, say more intellectual or technical things.
It stems from this fact that what is often more remembered in a person's life... are not those "technical" things, but rather, personal experiences, interpersonal relations... ultimately, the "social" aspect of our life; this is what is remembered by those close around us, and anyone who want to know us at least a little bit. Arguably, it is what we as people would remember the most when we reflect on our lives.
Whether good or bad, this is simply a fact of life.
These "little things", social things, contributes most significantly in defining our identity; THEY DEFINE WHO WE ARE.
For, one can get only so far in life with "achievements" per se; what is often more important is what surrounds that - the person, as a human, social being.
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Unfortunately, I have little skill at it
The art of smalltalk, chat, gossip bewilders me.
The sheer... I donno.... how can one "simply" meet to have dinner with others ?
The whole idea of "hanging out"; engaging in idle banter ... that is beyond me.
I am hardly a socially suave guy...
I just feel, oh i donno,
that it's not worth the time.
I always get this terrible feeling, that I would be wasting my time doing things like that. That I wouldn't be able to handle the sheer ... dullness. It's like fielding in a baseball game where the ball never comes to you. ....
Of course, I know, I know, ... those things are important... connections...bonding ...
Yet......
SIGH
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Guess what, people like me still have interpersonal relations, relationships, friends, emotions, love ... I am deeply hurt internally when I feel I have shown indifference or even hatred towards others, when on the inside the very opposite is true....
I simply cannot express the above things in "usual" ways... I donno, why people always go on about things being "cliched" or whatever when their social lives are the exact representation of such ideals. It's just that... I simply am not accustomed to the "usual" way of things, the predetermined, socially, culturally pre-approved ways.