The Human Condition

To live, i.e., to breathe, eat and sleep, does not, in any way, equate to "living" as a human - hereby known as the Human Condition. Although a human's life may be as unique, uncontrolled, and developed much by the individual as possible, for a variety of reasons, many of them being quite positive, they decide to conform to, and follow, the Human Condition - The Act of Living through predefined, but somewhat controlled and stable ways.

Of course, much of this is due to the intense pressure of society as a whole on individuals to Live like a Human. Society demands that individuals be "expectable"... although staying "unique" in a sort of contrived way, "expectable" enough to be a member of society without causing too much unwanted trouble and attention.

People fit with others so "smoothly" - as if they were one body, a part of a great social body. You know what you can (and should) expect of an individual - most of these try to look for the fact that they possess the Human Condition - that they're "living" like one of them, part of the great social body, harmonious and non-troubling. (This does not in any way repress individual freedom - it allows it, but they must conform to the Human Condition while they're doing it.)

The thing is this sort of system is quite painful to those who are outside of it all. Those who do not possess "The Human Condition" - those who live but do not "live." You cannot know just what to expect of these highly erratic, albeit unique, individuals. So in general society tries to banish these people completely; to drag them somehow into the society and force them into the human condition; or in some "better" societies, simply ignore them, try not to think about these "unexplainable" ones.

I am such a person.

Until now, I have feared looking at myself from a third-person perspective - afraid of finding myself as somewhat utterly alone and oustside of the "human condition" - not really living a life in "their" sense... so utterly, troublingly, ALONE.

I know people hate me.

For my over-uniqueness that isn't really necessary in a world where conforming can solve many
issues.

And then, of course, there are those lingering questions that ever more trouble my weakened mind.

What if, I am not really "unique", in the positive connotation, but simply a loner, an outsider - who simply does not understand how this world operates, does not try to accept it all and get off his butt and jump right into it, participating in such a world, sharing and opening up oneself.

I know, I know, this gets to the old question every "crazy" person (+ most philosophers, and in fact pretty much everyone I suppose) must have asked - are they wrong, or is the society wrong, or are they BOTH wrong, and if so, to what extent, or are they both right in some way?
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Oh, I am such a loser.

Living in my own selfish and highly individual world.STUCK inside myself.Not really bothering (or avoiding) to think of myself as a participant of a broader picture.

So stuck up my inner self. Hardly sensing the world around me. No wonder you can hardly interact with it, conform to it.