What is hope?

As long as you have hope

All is possible

In the darkest of times

As long as you have hope

You know there is life in this world

When you remember forgotten beauties

When those forgotten emotions come back to you

And you suddenly remember

That the world wasn’t always so bad after all…

When you play that song

You just realise that

Things that are crushingly challenging

Are also immensely beautiful too

You are a brave guy, you really are

Taking on things that are really hard for you

I applaud you for that – I really, really do

I respect you for that

Only I know the hardships you go through

And I really respect you for that

And I know there is hope in this world

There is no such thing as an impossible thing

They are simply made by barriers that we erect in our hearts

When we tear down those barriers

You just realise

What a bright place this world is after all

The world only grows darker, and smaller, by barriers that I create

By roofs that I create to block out the sun

When really

The world isn’t so bad at all

When those happy memories flood back to me I realise

There is more to me than I define for myself

There is more to life than the way I define it;

There is more to this world.

Like a ray of light shining through a door open ajar

There is more to it…

Why is the valley of despair so despairing?

If that valley becomes everything, if it consumes you. If you can no longer think outside of that valley. Then it swallows you. The valley becomes the world, the world becomes the valley.

Under such situations, what is hope?

Hope is like a ray of light shining down the star-lit sky

Telling you that the valley isn’t everything

That the world is a greater place.

The road goes ever on and on - Life as a Quest

What a boring story would it be to tell

Of a life perfect, with no gaffes, with no mistakes, with no shame.

Life is a quest

With all its

Tribulations and trials

Mistakes and shame

Failings and misfortune

Have you heard of that phrase –

Life goes on

On this road many trials await us

Yet life goes on

It is a quest to be pursued

By ill-prepared, ill-equipped individuals;

Nonetheless; ‘tis a noble quest; an epic journey, a road to be travelled

Yes, there will be setbacks, yes, there will be pits of agony

The road to heaven is paved with thorns and crosses

Life goes on – and so does the quest

We may think “it is over”

Yet when we realise, we are still in possession of that quest

We know life goes on

Thus it is with eager hearts we resume our journey

Because we know

Our journey is too great to end here

The road goes ever on and on

Why should we give up? Why should we lie down, just because we have experienced a few setbacks? A few doses of misfortune?

I remind myself – ‘tis the narrative of life; ‘tis life’s story

And the quest leads us on

Through all that is thrown us; through all that we must endure; through all that we must bear; through all that we must summon courage to face

Through the darkest recesses, the loneliest of caverns, the coldest of winters; the pangs of pain

The journey continues; the quest of life reveals what’s in store for us

And we grow, grow, we grow – our mistakes, our most valuable mirrors; our failings, our most precious experience. As time passes, we grow wiser – from all those mistakes we have beared; from all the pain we have endured. And we continue to pursue that quest.

And so we write down our epic tale, of fortune and misfortune, of joy and sorrow, of laughter and tears, of warmth and cold. Our quest leads us on and on, and our tale grows and grows.

Life is a journey, a road to be travelled, a path to be trodden.

The quest continues to lead us on. It is because of that ever-present quest, that at any point in the journey I do not sit down and wallow in despair – because I know the quest goes on. No matter what happens, the quest goes on. And I am happy for it. Because I know it goes on. Because I know it is not the end of me. Because – because you know, you know – that there is more inside you – and the quest is a reassurance of that. That these were merely setbacks. The quest goes on. And so does myself.

With eager foot, I step on that road again. The road goes on and on, and so shall I.

The Ugly Duckling

There was nothing inherently wrong with the ugly duckling. But in a world that was so different to who he was, all he could do was question. Is there something wrong with me? What is wrong with me? Why are others treating me this way? Why am I so different to everyone else? Why can’t I be like everyone else?

The ugly duckling felt lonely. Alone. He just couldn’t understand the world around him. He saw no hope. He was all by himself. Everyone was so different. He could not understand anyone. No one could understand him. Nothing made sense. Why me, he thought. Why this cruel fate.

Others found the ugly duckling puzzling. They stayed away from him. He was too different. Too out-of-this-world. Too alien. They didn’t know what to do with him. They could not relate to him.

Through many lonely days and nights the ugly duckling lived. Always feeling out-of-place. Always feeling disconnected. Always feeling alone. He could not understand. He longed to understand, but he could not. It just didn’t make sense. He tried to be like the others. But he couldn’t. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t change who we was. He continued to be that ugly duckling. That mutant. That aberration. That mistake of nature. He felt alone.

Life became an act for the ugly duckling. He tried to quack like the other ducklings – but it never came out like he wanted it to. He tried to copy the others – yet often it just failed miserably. He cried. He didn’t know why life was like this. He didn’t know what he was doing wrong. He didn’t know why he couldn’t be like the others. He was trying, oh yes, he was trying. He was trying like never before. But nothing could change who he was. He cried, and cried.

As the duckling grew older he became good at mimicking the others. But he just knew that really, he was different. Too different from these others. So he felt alone, terribly alone. His glaringly different appearance earnt him many questioning, puzzled looks – from those that were nice; and many indignancies, jibes and mockeries from those that were not. The duckling just continued to cry. This wasn’t what he wanted from life. Yet what could he do? How could he change who we was?

No one saw the swan in the ugly duckling.

The ugly duckling withered away, never realising who we was, never realising all that he could have been.

***

Let us swap sides for now. If we were the other ducklings – and we find someone so “different”. It is easy to discriminate; it is easy to be miserable to that ugly duckling. You are “normal”; he is “abnormal”. You are “healthy”; he isn’t. You “belong”; he doesn’t. It is easy to just let him cry to sleep by himself. It is easy to just let things be. It is easy to just say “oh well, he’s just a miserable mutant, why is it any of my business” and forget about it. It is easy.

So many people’s beautiful lives are quashed like this because they are “different” in some way. They are banished and forgotten. No one sees past the differences. No one sees hope. No one sees anything good coming out of those that are different to them. Difference = bad.

It is easy to label the ugly duckling as ugly and call it a day. No one sees past the ‘ugliness’ of the ugly duckling. No one sees all that he could be and can be. No one sees the unique ways in which that ugly duckling can contribute to their society. No one sees what unique perspectives the ugly duckling might be able to provide. No one sees what unique talents the ugly duckling might possess that may benefit them all. No one sees what wonders the ugly duckling might be able to show them.

Or worse – they might ‘see’ such things, but actively suppress them. Because they are scared and afraid. They want the status quo. This ugly duckling becoming a part of their lives is a frightening concept. They don’t want that to happen. So they banish the ugly duckling. They obliterate the ugly duckling from their minds.

It takes courage to nurture that ugly duckling. To see the ugly duckling as more than being just ‘ugly’. It takes courage, and strength, to see past difference. It takes courage to embrace him. It takes courage to see the good in him. It takes courage to ask the ugly duckling to be all that he can be. It takes courage for us to give the ugly duckling a chance. A chance at life.

And then – then – perhaps then –

Suddenly we realise him transforming to a swan right before our eyes

Not because anything inherent about him changed

But because the way we perceive him has changed

And we accept him, embrace him as a part of us –

A unique part of us.

Atop the cliff

Standing atop the cliff here I am. Looking out over the sea. I breathe in the ocean air. The wind flitters through my hair.

Here I am. 200 meters above the sea. Here I am. Betwixt turmoil and trouble, here I am. A lone statue gazing towards infinity. Atop the hill, here I am. The wind batters me. The salt sears my skin. Here I am. The whispering grass is my company, the roaring wind is my accomplice. Here I am, in betwixt a grey sky and a stretching horizon.

I feel the wind battering me. I feel it rush through every inch of my skin. The only sound to be heard is the whistling wind and the crashing waves. Not a soul in sight, not a life in sight. Here I am. Myself and nature. Here I am. How more fundamental can you get. Here I am, standing atop the cliff. Here I am, gazing out afar. Here I am.

Miseries forgotten, troubles left behind. Here I am, standing atop this cliff. The wind is my catharsis, the waves are the killers of my woe. This is where I stand, this is where I am. And it is in this desolace one revels. Here, thousands of miles away from the nearest soul, one finds what it means to be oneself. Here, facing nature alone, one finds the true nature of life. Here, here, here, atop the cliff. Inches away from the waters below, here one finds the meaning of life. Here, here. Not anywhere else – but here, amidst this wind, amidst these waves, amidst these rolling grass – here one finds company, here one finds what it means to be. I have not felt more alive before. As the wind batters me I feel the blood course through my veins.

Away, away, away from it all! Here! Yes, I am finally here! I am gazing out, towards the endless ocean, to all that lies ahead. Yes, here! Behind me, lies all that came before, the miseries and woes of civilization, of all that and more. But they lie all behind me; what is evident right now is the wind on my skin, and the crush of the waves. Here, I define life. Here, I define what it means to be. It is my decision. It is in my control. Here, as the wind soars through who I am, I feel more alive than ever. It is the ecstacy of being who you are, against nature and nature alone.

The wind is refreshing. The life is empowering. Here I find who I am. Here I realise who I am. This is life. So long as you have a beating heart – that is life. All else is excess – needless excess. I bathe in the gushing rain. My skin is cleansed by nature’s force. I relish it, I cherish it. This is real – THIS is real.

I open my eyes. The sun is rising over the horizon. I feel bliss like I have never felt before. I feel that in order to be – I just need a beating heart. That is all. All else is how we make of it. All else is excess.

Nature and me. Me and nature. Nothing else. I have never felt in my place so much before. I have never felt such belonging ever before. Suddenly, I can breathe with the land beneath my feet, the ocean that lie before me. Suddenly, they come alive, they are more real than anything I’ve seen before. This is real. This is real. And I feel free. Free. Alive.

The Fire of Life

Indescribable

That is the word

That is the word I was looking for

Just undescribable until you’ve seen it

Just undescribable until you’ve experienced it

Just undescribable until you’ve felt it

So let me take your hand

Take you on a journey

To show you the indescribable

Always show – never tell

That is the task of the poet, the artist

Magic exists

In our hearts

Wonder exists

So long as we don’t block it out

Hope exists

It all exists!

It is only our task to accept it

As long as your mind stays open

It’s like lighting a fire

Perhaps, at the start, it is a guided action

But whoosh once it starts – it burns, it gains a life of its own!

The fire doesn’t have to think about what it’s doing;

Rather, it dances with the whim of its own

It lets free, it lets go

And so is life

Start the fire

And let the fire burn

Let it take on a life of its own

Don’t try to control it too hard

It is beautiful

It is the spark of life

Vivace

Hope

As long as you have hope

All is possible

In the darkest of times

As long as you have hope

You know there is life in this world

When you remember forgotten beauties

When those forgotten emotions come back to you

And you suddenly remember

That the world wasn’t always so bad after all…

When you play that song

You just realise that

Things that are crushingly challenging

Are also immensely beautiful too

And I know there is hope in this world

There is no such thing as an impossible thing

They are simply made by barriers that we erect in our hearts

When we tear down those barriers

You just realise

What are bright place this world is after all

The world only grows darker, and smaller, by barriers that I create

By roofs that I create to block out the sun

When really

The world isn’t so bad at all

When those happy memories flood back to me I realise

There is more to me than I define for myself

There is more to life than the way I define it;

There is more to this world.

Like a ray of light shining through a door open ajar

There is more to it…

Why is the valley of despair so despairing?

If that valley becomes everything, if it consumes you. If you can no longer think outside of that valley. Then it swallows you. The valley becomes the world, the world becomes the valley.

Under such situations, what is hope?

Hope is like a ray of light shining down the star-lit sky

Telling you that the valley isn’t everything

That the world is a greater place.

The greatest poverty

“The greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy; it is being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for. We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread but there are many more dying for a little love. The poverty in the West is a different kind of poverty — it is not only a poverty of loneliness but also of spirituality. There’s a hunger for love, as there is a hunger for God.”

- Mother Teresa

Journey

A journey

Ill-carried

Is a journey that only cared about its end;

A journey

Well-carried

And beautiful

Is a journey

Where every step

Mattered.

The ridiculously simple solution

I finally realised... the ridiculously simple solution - to a ridiculously simple problem in essence.

Why was I so bad at talking?

Because, no one would... bother to talk to me seriously. No one would bother to have a real conversation with me. They knew I didn't have much talking skills, hence they didn't bother. They thought that too much work was required on their part to talk to someone as reclusive as me.

Well ok. So there I was. Oh, so you want me to go learn talking skills before I can talk to you? Well, sure. Ok, so... how does one acquire talking skills? By talking of course! ... But oh wait - I just said that no-one would talk to me unless I gained some talking skills...

Despite looking like a Catch-22, the answer was ridiculously simple.

It was to have someone... who will endure you. Someone who will talk to you seriously. Someone who could perservere with you; someone who could tell you that you were fine; someone who talked to you without that ridiculous pre-condition of pre-learnt talking skills.

And I am a fast learner.

When someone was actually willing to talk to me - seriously -
I learnt the art of conversation pretty quickly. The art of empathy.
It was just that...
I just needed someone to... actually talk to me.

And I look back -
Why did I have such bad conversation skills?
Because, I never, in my life, had a chance to engage in proper conversation!
Conversation is a 2-way thing - yet if the other person is unwilling, how would one ever practise conversation skills?

I finally realise

Why...

Patience and perserverence are such wonderful virtues - especially when it comes to interpersonal matters.

All I "needed"... was someone to "endure" my lack of skills. Someone who wouldn't be turned away by that -someone who would give me a chance. A chance, a chance, a chance... - a chance to practise, a chance to engage, a chance to converse, a chance to talk, a chance to listen, a chance to empathise...

The ridiculously simple answer -

The key to learning conversation skills is...
By actually having conversations. ("Proper" ones though - in the sense that the other person takes it seriously.)

It's amazing.
When someone actually offers you a chance -
What you can do.

It's amazing -
What change you can make to people's lives
By simply talking to them - talking to those whom society deems "unworthy to talk to", because they have "no social skills".

Don't give up. Persevere. Find beauty in them. Reward them - provide positive feedback - when they start creeping out of that shell, however tentative and "amateur" they may be. When they offer empathy to you, when they're making those tentative steps at conversation and emotional expression - provide reinforcement! Embrace them! Love them! For those small things are a glimpse of great things ahead - but what they critically need is encouragement. They need affirmation that those steps matter to someone. That their voice does not pass unheard. Offer them pointers. Offer them a hand.

***

A baby's first steps are
Clumsy, unskilled, awkward

Yet if there were no-one cheering them on
Who of them will stand tall and walk?

***

True warmth is warmth offered to coldness

True light is light that illuminates the darkness

True love is loving that which is unworthy to be loved

The Inner Fire

Remain positive.

Push yourself but remain positive.

Hope is the light that shines upon one’s soul.

In the darkest of days, if there is hope, there is life; there is future.

What is more important than the “outside” – which may be a drab, dark, damp ruins –

Is the inner fire.

An inner fire that burns regardless of everything else.

An inner fire that ceases to tire.

An inner fire that continues regardless of whatever happens outside.

The inner fire –

Allows everything to be possible;

In the darkest valleys;

In the swamps of despair;

If the fire still burns inside you

Then no matter how you may look outside –

Battered, hurt, bruised –

There is a future

For externality

Is in so many respects, deceiving;

What you must kindle

And be aware of

Is the fire that burns inside;

A fire that may be invisible –

To everyone

But you.

And as long as you never let that fire die;

As long as you keep the fire alive –

The outside – means nothing

You may be in the direst of straits;

Darkest of times

But if that fire burns

The fire of hope

There is a future

Never, ever underestimate the power of potentials

That thing called potentiality is such an interesting thing –

If you believe in it –

It comes into existance! Like waving a magic wand.

If you do not believe in it –

Then it indeed fades away…

Believe in hope. Believe in the future. Believe in potentiality. Whatever your current situation is – in some sense, that hardly matters at all!

What truly matters are your potentials; the fire that burns inside

A fire invisible to everyone else

Yet a fire, nonetheless, that is your uttermost treasure

A fire that you will never allow to die

What matters not is now

What matters is the potential for the future

Everyone

Everyone can complain about now

Everyone can look at the misery they are in now

Everyone can look at the ruins of now

But if you have the inner fire burning

You know –

That this is not the end of the story

The story continues

The fire continues to burn.

A Beautiful Mind is...

Someone who can say “No” when everyone’s saying “Yes”

Someone who can go against the flow in chase of their heart’s desire

Someone who is willing to make a true Difference; a Mark upon this world

Someone who can defy all that is placed before them

Someone who does something that no one expects – someone who utterly shatters expectations, just to show how utterly misplaced some people’s judgments, assumptions, and expectations are

* * *

In a world defined by the environment

In lives that are defined by the environment

Such Beautiful Minds show

What it means to be an individual

And to truly live

It is true

That when we are born

We are born into the shackles of socio-culture;

Where the idea of “free will” seems to be non-existant;

And we feel just some part of a giant machine;

Our lives played out and destined already

By shackles of our environment

Yet

This is where the Beautiful Mind shines

To say “no”

To defy their environment

There is the age-old

Genetics vs. Environment debate

Describing the

Deterministic nature of human life;

Seemingly –

Seemingly all that occurs in one’s life can be explained by either

Genetic or environmental factors

But there is one thing missing from the above picture

The above can apply to animals, or anything else;

But not – completely to humans –

For

The above forgets the power of free will

Exercised in the hands of a Beautiful Mind

Breaking open

Those fetters;

Liberating

Oneself from all that tenaciously binds them

And to fly free

They say

Humans are like sheep

Blindly following one another

Swayed this way and that

By environmental factors

By forces that seemingly overpower them

Into submission

Yet once again

Not all humans are like sheep

For there are those that fly free

The lone eagles

The albatrosses

That fly in search of their heart’s desire

On love

Today I shall write on the subject of love, something distinctively rare in this world.

In a world of criticism

In a world that tells you that you’re always doing it all wrong

In a world where your life is not worth living

In a world that is so unliveable

In a world where you are no longer a person

In a world where you’re nobody

In a world where you don’t exist

In a world where everything goes wrong

In a world you cannot change

In a world that is all about bringing others down

In a world about living at others’ expense

In a world where you can never be comfortable

In a world where one can never find solace

In a world where one is always alone

Love – love …. Means a lot. It means a lot. It means the world. It means everything.

What I want is simple.

I just want someone to truly care about me.

I just want someone to tell me –

That despite this sick world we live in – that despite all those misgivings –

That there is hope.

That in a world where everything goes wrong –

That at least one thing could go right

What more can I want; what more can I want…

One thing going right would satisfy me.

I want to feel like I exist in this world.

I want to feel as if my existence matters – not just some “thing” that’s a waste of space that no-one could care less about.

I’ve just realised –

I am so alone… so alone… so… alone. No one cares about me.

Love is a simple thing.

It’s a simple thing.

It’s simply about caring about people.

It’s telling them that they’re more than just junk made up of assembled organic matter.

It’s telling them that they’re beautiful… they’re beautiful… NOTHING could replace them… nothing in this world…

Regardless – regardless of everything –

What their life has been like, what their environment has been like, whatever, whatever…

Don’t JUDGE... just LOVE.

Just LOVE. Just LOVE.

For EVERYONE deserves love. No matter who they are. No matter who they are. Just never forget this.

Anyone can love their brothers, or friends. That is not love. That is SO not love.

Why did Jesus tell us to love our enemies?

Because EVERYONE deserves LOVE.

For people are SO much more… than our EXPECTATIONS and ASSUMPTIONS of them…

They are so much more… so much more… who are we to judge? NEVER, NEVER, NEVER. You can’t JUDGE a person. That is the basis of all hatred, all enmity in this world – and of course – the lack of “love”.

It is not that we do not love.

It is that we JUDGE most people not to be “worthy” of our love.

When you love someone

You love everything about them.

You love their scars – you love the marks of tear and wear upon their souls

You love everything they have gone through

You love… embrace all that they have suffered

You love them for who they are…

The prodigal son… suddenly I understand.

He is in dire need of love…

Who are we to deny it…

Love is not about selectively nit-picking what we think are the “good” bits about another person and then loving those, whilst turning a blind-eye towards “bad” things.

For those things change. “Good” things pale, “bad” things may turn even more sour.

No, no, no!!

You love someone for ALL that they are – deformities and all – and EMBRACE it. You love them because they – as a person, deserve love – no matter who they are.

And trust me,

They will be SHOCKED.

They will be shocked at such expression of true love, of an all-encompassing compassion, of an embrace that they never thought they deserved.

In a world telling them that they do not deserve to exist –

Such love will mean everything.

Don’t turn a blind eye towards someone’s wounds – their weaknesses, their shortcomings, their mistakes.

Be that bandage that covers it. Be that ointment that heals it.

We, as humans, are never in the position to judge anyone else –

We simply do not – or cannot – KNOW enough, and must rely on flawed “expectations” and “assumptions”.

But – though we are not in the position to judge –

We are always in the position to love.

The Need to Belong

There is that uncanny feeling –

That you don’t belong here.

It is an odd feeling –

Being a perpetual alien; a perpetual outsider.

One knows one is at the wrong place –

When one talks “at a different frequency” to everyone else;

When their commonalities are never your commonalities;

When what they value and do is miles away from yourself;

When what they aspire to is a world away from you.

An odd feeling –

Of being alone.

Of being different –

Of being a world apart.

Sure – one can get ‘used to it’;

But, it’s fair to say –

It’s by no means,

The ideal life to live –

Being a world away from others.

I don’t want to bother conform with people vastly different to me –

I would rather be by myself –

But still –

‘Tis a pity, really, that there are no others like me.

A lonely journey ‘tis – a lonely journey ‘tis.

Walking through this world alone.

Like a shadow, like a spectre.

An existence I am oh-so-used to, yet never really espouse.

The Sociocultural Matrix

Humans are inextricably bound to a sociocultural matrix that they cannot escape. It is what defines them, it is a part of them too much. The sociocultural experience is simply an inseparable part of the human experience. All human experience distinct from a sociocultural experience is few, and far in between.

Unescapably bound to a culture
Inextricably tied to a culture
Human experience cannot exist on its own without some reference to a culture…

One is lead to question to what extent is one’s experience of this world truly free –

And how much is tied inexorably to sociocultural expectations, norms and values that we, ourselves aren’t even aware of most of the time.

To what extent is an individual’s experience and behaviour but predictable… manifestations of a broader sociocultural matrix?

They act… the way they do –

Because that is what is expected of them by the sociocultural matrix that inextricably binds them?

There is that theory – where… “emergent collective behaviour” results from “individuals” seeking their self-interest;

Well, I am supposing, that in human society at least – perhaps that may be the other way around.

Individuals are inextricably part of a “collective” – and – I want to daresay –

“Individual free will” is an illusion – an emergent property of the collective manifesting in the individual.

For –
An individual isn’t truly “free”;
They are always “bound” by sociocultural norms, expectations, and values;

People say they have "free will" - yet -

How much of their actions are pursuant - wittingly or not - of society's rules and expectations?

I see all these people, and to me - they just all look like ...

"Mindless" machines... just acting as one would expect a part of the collective to do...

People talk of "ant colonies" acting as if it had a mind of its own -

Well - ... how about the other way around ?

There is a collective, a... "mindless" collective, drifting -

It is composed of parts - namely, individuals - ... who.... are equally - I daresay - "mindless"; Yet they believe in the illusion of a mind...

One can ask the so-called free-thinking individual -

How much of those actions, thoughts, that they have in their life -.... were an inextricable product of the socio-cultural matrix that they lived in...

There may be the illusion of so-called free-will - but guess what -

If you truly did what you wanted to do... regardless of sociocultural expectations / "pre-determinations" - Guess what really happens -

You are labelled an outsider. An alien. A misfit. A loner. Extend it further, and you are regarded as "delusioned", "mentally ill"...

It is difficult to illustrate the true and far-reaching extent of the sociocultural matrix ... because all human behaviour is embedded in it so much.

A human without culture is... impossible.....

A human is inextricably bound to a "culture", like it or not;

Human actions are pre-determined by their culture, their environment.... more than ANYTHING else

This is what I mean when I say that the "individual" is but an emergent property of the collective -

Given enough knowledge of the "collective",

It is possible to "construct" an individual - pursuant of that culture's expectations, norms and values. That "individual" need not have any "free will" or anything at all. They can just follow those EXPECTATIONS of an "individual" in such a collective society - ... and no-one would notice that they were an "imposter human"....

No individual is ever "free".

They are handed a socio-culturo-environmental "platter" at the beginning of their life. And they follow a "well-defined route", followed already by a million individuals before them - through a life-course defined by socio-cultural expectations. From birth, through maturation, till death - ... the "individual" need not even "live" - or exercise free will at all...

And I guess it is in this sense -

Cognizant of such deep socio-culturo-environmental shackles

That the term "fate" was coined;

For -

An individual's life...

Ultimately is less influenced by the decisions they make for themselves -than the socio-cultural environment to which they are born to;

And to which they they must.. rigidly follow - consciously or not;

Just being a part of that machine to which they were born into...

Just being a component of a giant...

===

An individual's life is more or less, written in the stars.

The culture they were born into.

Their ethnicity.

Their family.

The historical era.

Their gender.

The economical background.

The "social" background.

Geography.

Collective thought. Collective ideas. Collective norms. Collective values.

At the end of it all -

An individual's life is defined by these "external" things more than anything else.

It is through a path written in the stars

The individual follows...

Deviate from this path? One asks?

But why? How?... No one can live outside a socio-cultural matrix -

when you leave 1 "path" you simply enter another socio-cultural path;

An individual can never TRULY deviate from ANY such socio-cultural path -

And lead a truly "unique" life.

All individuals are shackled the moment they born.

It is in these shackles of socio-culture that we live, and die.

Disconnection

I have known disconnection for many years.
I have known it for my life.
To feel isolated from the rest of the world. In many, many ways.
To feel that you are not one of them… in many ways.
There are some barriers in this world
Some clefts in this world
Nothing can traverse
No “understanding” –
Or any vain attempt at it –
Can ever traverse these gaps.

Some things are just … different.
You. And I. Are just different.
And it is with lethargy one feels that barrier. It is with sadness. It is with sorrow.
Being a world apart from everyone else…
Feeling an alien amidst everyone else…
One can try to conform – but it is pretension, pitiful pretension – and I have long ceased trying that.

A gulf that can never seal
An understanding that can never occur
We think totally differently…
We may inhabit the same physical planet
But alas, we’re worlds apart…
We just perceive things so differently..

I will never be able to view this world the way you do …
You will never be able to view it the way I do…
It is an irreconciable gap created from a life of… difference; and everything before life itself
You can try, oh you can try.
But it’s pointless, you’ll get nowhere near. It’s just too hard. Unless you have lived my life, you will remain an unfathomable distance from me.

And it is in this sense, in this painful sense –
That I feel alone.

Because I think so differently to other people. We perceive the same things oh-so-painfully-differently. We interpret things, we think about things, oh-so-differently. We value such different things. You try to find common ground? THERE IS NO COMMON GROUND. In fact, thanks to everyone so far for not bothering.

I sometimes try to come up with the “human-argument” – that there is a common ground, that of “being human”. But it’s just pitiful. Plainly pitiful. In reality that is such a small ground because no-one considers it seriously. Only in the direst of circumstances does it become apparent, and only in a minor way. Thus, the fact that you-and-I are both “human” is a VERY weak argument. It’s as weak and supposedly self-evident as saying that you-and-I are both composed of matter. It’s pointless. It’s hardly a common-ground for anything but the most basic, officious human interactions, (such as, “where is the lavatory?”) that don’t mean anything much. The point is that everything else is different. The experience of “life” is just utterly, utterly, undeniably, irreconcilably, different. We may run the same hardware but our “software” is incompatible. We’ll never understand eachother.

I would have conversations if I could have someone that could understand how I think, what I value, what I REALLY like, in the deepest sense. Otherwise conversations are a bore just because… we speak very different languages. The language and life that you “speak” of is… incomprehensible to me. The language and life that I speak of is incomprehensible to you. I can pretend, but as I’ve said, I hate pretending, and it’s – so ridiculously tiring. I can’t live a life pretending all-day everyday not being “myself”.

An intraversible gulf. PLEASE don’t try to think that you can traverse a gulf like that. YOU CAN’T, YOU CAN’T YOU JUST CAN’T. You’ll never understand me. My life so far has repeatedly validated this. A life so different, a life a world apart.

And this is why I hate the politico-socio-cultural administrative bullshit. They don’t realise what they’re truly saying. What it really means. They don’t understand someone like me. I’m a ball from the left field. No one ever even EXPECTS something like me. Never thought of in the calculations. A total oddball. Weirdo. Freak. You guys can all mingle and “understand” eachother. K. Well just be aware: you can’t apply that sort of !@!#shit to someone like me. Your attempts to “understand” fail miserably, oh-so-miserably. I am just illegible, incomprehendable, aren’t I? Good. I hope my existence has proved at least something in this ultraconformist world.

The "ideal person"... ?

The "ideal person" in the Western World is

Someone who is "always happy"
Someone who is "always enthusiastic"
Someone who is "always passionate about something"
Someone who is "bubbly"
Someone who "always has a positive attitude"

Someone who "loves to have fun"
Someone who has "an endless sense of humour"
Someone who "never ceases laughing / smiling"
Someone who "knows how to have a good time"

Someone who "is outgoing"
Someone who "gets on well with anyone, anywhere, anytime"
Someone who "can make others laugh"
Someone whom "you can have a casual conversation with"
Someone who "isn't too tense"
Someone who "isn't too serious"
Someone who "doesn't think so much"
Someone who is "down-to-earth"
Someone who "is intelligent, but not too intelligent"

Someone who "can balance work and life"
Someone who "can get a million things done, but still be pleasant and humane in demeanour"
Someone who has "a diverse range of interests, hobbies, skills, and experience"

Well, you look at this sort of thing. And start to wonder. ... is there something missing?

In my view, what this "list" shows is that, at least the Western World, fails to accept the human condition in its entirety.

I cannot say it any more frankly than that.

What MISERY it is, if the human condition only consisted of such happy-go-lucky, "outgoing", hyperactive traits? Just think about it. If the entire human race was like that. Would you want to live in such a world? I most certainly, certainly, would not.

The thing is - we live in such a world already - well, sort of. For everyone is expected to be like that, to qualify as a "normal, healthy human being". Sure - there are people who are NOT like that but - well, either they try to conform, or, are frankly, thought of as "undesirables", and lie at the boundaries of mainstream society.

Any trait deviating from the aforelisted "ideals" are immediately frowned upon, disliked, avoided. It can even get worse and label them as downright pathologies / "psychological conditions"

We live in a world where we "cannot be sad". For that is "depression". We live in a world where we are constantly expected to be "happy". I even want to call it happy-sickness.

We live in such a "superficial" world... where this sort of, shall I say, "external happiness / joviality" matters more than anything else?

I want to espouse the human condition in its entirety

Happiness AND sadness
Extroversion AND introversion
Laughter AND tears
Togetherness AND loneliness
Fellowship AND solitude
Ability AND dis-ability
Optimism AND pessimism
Seriousness AND light-heartedness
Enthusiasm AND disillusionment

For, only then,
can we begin to see humans as humans -

frail, yet strong;
negative, yet positive;
sad, yet happy;
lonely, yet social

In the beautiful fullness of the human condition, that encompasses, espouses, EMBRACES all these things and more.

The Social Stuff

The Academic Stuff is easy. Well not easy per se. But easy. In that I can get the hang of it. I can get into the swing of things. I can enjoy it. I can revel in it; I can get immersed in it. I can find beauty in it; I can be surprised by it; I can find joy.

The Social Stuff is the hard part.

I’m just so shy. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. I’m so silent. So silent. So unassertive. So timid. And people will have a negative opinion because of that. It sucks. Being so quiet.

Everyone will judge me by my quietness. It’s like an overlay, a mask over everything else that I am. They fail to see past it. It places a tinge on everything else. I guess this is what I hate about it. I don’t detest quietness per se, but rather what society thinks about it, and how society judges me with it.

Shyness: Two very different perspectives to the same situation.

This describes me perfectly!

If you're the person on the left you might think that I'm an incredibly boring, untalkative, 'antisocial', stuck-up, kind of guy.

If you're ME, the guy on the right - this is what's happening: suddenly, your mind's gone blank. You have many wonderful ideas, and thoughts regarding what she just said - but suddenly, all of that has just rushed out of your mind. You feel like you're now staring at a blank piece of paper. Meanwhile, time's ticking by rapidly - and the social imperative is that you give an answer. So you hastily say a "no", just to show her that you did not ignore her. You continue to try to think of what to say - but you can't. You just can't, it's like staring at a blank wall. Finally, the other person gives up. The other person leaves, and suddenly, everything you could have said, comes flooding back in.

The same situation.

Two very different experiences.