A journey
Ill-carried
Is a journey that only cared about its end;
A journey
Well-carried
And beautiful
Is a journey
Where every step
Mattered.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Journey
Friday, October 09, 2009
The ridiculously simple solution
I finally realised... the ridiculously simple solution - to a ridiculously simple problem in essence.
Why was I so bad at talking?
Because, no one would... bother to talk to me seriously. No one would bother to have a real conversation with me. They knew I didn't have much talking skills, hence they didn't bother. They thought that too much work was required on their part to talk to someone as reclusive as me.
Well ok. So there I was. Oh, so you want me to go learn talking skills before I can talk to you? Well, sure. Ok, so... how does one acquire talking skills? By talking of course! ... But oh wait - I just said that no-one would talk to me unless I gained some talking skills...
Despite looking like a Catch-22, the answer was ridiculously simple.
It was to have someone... who will endure you. Someone who will talk to you seriously. Someone who could perservere with you; someone who could tell you that you were fine; someone who talked to you without that ridiculous pre-condition of pre-learnt talking skills.
And I am a fast learner.
When someone was actually willing to talk to me - seriously -
I learnt the art of conversation pretty quickly. The art of empathy.
It was just that...
I just needed someone to... actually talk to me.
And I look back -
Why did I have such bad conversation skills?
Because, I never, in my life, had a chance to engage in proper conversation!
Conversation is a 2-way thing - yet if the other person is unwilling, how would one ever practise conversation skills?
I finally realise
Why...
Patience and perserverence are such wonderful virtues - especially when it comes to interpersonal matters.
All I "needed"... was someone to "endure" my lack of skills. Someone who wouldn't be turned away by that -someone who would give me a chance. A chance, a chance, a chance... - a chance to practise, a chance to engage, a chance to converse, a chance to talk, a chance to listen, a chance to empathise...
The ridiculously simple answer -
The key to learning conversation skills is...
By actually having conversations. ("Proper" ones though - in the sense that the other person takes it seriously.)
It's amazing.
When someone actually offers you a chance -
What you can do.
It's amazing -
What change you can make to people's lives
By simply talking to them - talking to those whom society deems "unworthy to talk to", because they have "no social skills".
Don't give up. Persevere. Find beauty in them. Reward them - provide positive feedback - when they start creeping out of that shell, however tentative and "amateur" they may be. When they offer empathy to you, when they're making those tentative steps at conversation and emotional expression - provide reinforcement! Embrace them! Love them! For those small things are a glimpse of great things ahead - but what they critically need is encouragement. They need affirmation that those steps matter to someone. That their voice does not pass unheard. Offer them pointers. Offer them a hand.
***
A baby's first steps are
Clumsy, unskilled, awkward
Yet if there were no-one cheering them on
Who of them will stand tall and walk?
***
True warmth is warmth offered to coldness
True light is light that illuminates the darkness
True love is loving that which is unworthy to be loved
Why was I so bad at talking?
Because, no one would... bother to talk to me seriously. No one would bother to have a real conversation with me. They knew I didn't have much talking skills, hence they didn't bother. They thought that too much work was required on their part to talk to someone as reclusive as me.
Well ok. So there I was. Oh, so you want me to go learn talking skills before I can talk to you? Well, sure. Ok, so... how does one acquire talking skills? By talking of course! ... But oh wait - I just said that no-one would talk to me unless I gained some talking skills...
Despite looking like a Catch-22, the answer was ridiculously simple.
It was to have someone... who will endure you. Someone who will talk to you seriously. Someone who could perservere with you; someone who could tell you that you were fine; someone who talked to you without that ridiculous pre-condition of pre-learnt talking skills.
And I am a fast learner.
When someone was actually willing to talk to me - seriously -
I learnt the art of conversation pretty quickly. The art of empathy.
It was just that...
I just needed someone to... actually talk to me.
And I look back -
Why did I have such bad conversation skills?
Because, I never, in my life, had a chance to engage in proper conversation!
Conversation is a 2-way thing - yet if the other person is unwilling, how would one ever practise conversation skills?
I finally realise
Why...
Patience and perserverence are such wonderful virtues - especially when it comes to interpersonal matters.
All I "needed"... was someone to "endure" my lack of skills. Someone who wouldn't be turned away by that -someone who would give me a chance. A chance, a chance, a chance... - a chance to practise, a chance to engage, a chance to converse, a chance to talk, a chance to listen, a chance to empathise...
The ridiculously simple answer -
The key to learning conversation skills is...
By actually having conversations. ("Proper" ones though - in the sense that the other person takes it seriously.)
It's amazing.
When someone actually offers you a chance -
What you can do.
It's amazing -
What change you can make to people's lives
By simply talking to them - talking to those whom society deems "unworthy to talk to", because they have "no social skills".
Don't give up. Persevere. Find beauty in them. Reward them - provide positive feedback - when they start creeping out of that shell, however tentative and "amateur" they may be. When they offer empathy to you, when they're making those tentative steps at conversation and emotional expression - provide reinforcement! Embrace them! Love them! For those small things are a glimpse of great things ahead - but what they critically need is encouragement. They need affirmation that those steps matter to someone. That their voice does not pass unheard. Offer them pointers. Offer them a hand.
***
A baby's first steps are
Clumsy, unskilled, awkward
Yet if there were no-one cheering them on
Who of them will stand tall and walk?
***
True warmth is warmth offered to coldness
True light is light that illuminates the darkness
True love is loving that which is unworthy to be loved
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